In Part 1, we talked about how conveying your love to your child is the most important element in parenting, as without love the large potential in the human brain cannot develop. This might seem superfluous to most of us, as we obviously love our children. “Look around”, you’d say. “Everything I do is for them!”. If you ask children, though, they would not say that they are loved enough. The love we feel for them needs to be communicated to them in a manner that they understand. When a parent communicates their love to the child skilfully, the child immediately changes into a good child. The following are some of the methods suggested by Shichida for the same-
The 8 Second Hug
This method is exactly what it sounds like. Hug your child for at least 8 seconds and tell them positive words. Following is an example of how to do it-
First, ask the child to do some household task. When the child completes the task, give the child a big hug and whisper the following words-"Thankyou for helping mommy. You were really a big help. I love you a lot, you’re so kind, willing and helpful.”
Don’t just give a little hug. Continue to hold the child for at least 8 seconds. If you do this, immediately the parent’s love will be communicated to the child’s heart. He will no longer be rebellious, and he will change to being an obedient and cheerful child. Any problems that have been a source of worry will disappear. The child will offer to help around more, and he will be happy to be thanked and will be motivated to do more things to make his parents happy. With younger children, you can just hug them and appreciate them for whatever little tasks they do like listening to you, or doing stuff independently, etc.
A child's motivation and independence are cultivated to a wonderful degree through the use of the eight-second hug. One begins to realise how much one had not been able to satisfy the child's heart, and problems like bullying younger children and friends, rebelliousness towards parents, lack of motivation, bed wetting, and thumb-sucking are solved at once.
However, good results will not be obtained with the eight-second hugging if it is
done as a matter of duty. Nor will good results follow if parents continue to
complain, scold, and project their negative emotional reactions upon the child. More than anything else, parents must deeply love her children, respect them, and believe in their ability.
The Echo Method
Parents usually talk a lot to their children, but at times miss out on the most important part of communication-listening. It is impossible to capture the heart of the child when the parents are doing all the talking unilaterally. It is only when children are listened to frequently and wholeheartedly and the feeling deep in their hearts are understood that they sense that they are understood, accepted and loved.
Children who are scolded often close their hearts. Let’s make it a point to listen adequately to our children.
The Echo Method is also called the ‘Roger’s Non-Instructive Method’. The words parents use for their children are usually instructive: "Do so and so." Stop using words of instruction and try using the echo method of non-instructive words. When a child says something to his mother, the echo method does not slam the door shut by saying, "What's wrong with you. Can't you tolerate that much?" But instead she tries to understand the child's feelings by standing in his shoes. The keyword here is empathy.
The following type of conversation takes place:
“Mommy, XYZ is bad."
"Oh,XYZ is bad. What did she do?"
"'She hit me."
"So she hit you. Why did she hit you?"
In this way, the words of the other person are echoed back and questioning and answering is done. This was originally the Carl Roger's method of counselling mentally disturbed patients. It is also a very effective method when used in conversations with children.
The Extremely Effective Five Minute Suggestion Method
In using suggestion with children, there is no more effective method than that used when the child has just gone to sleep, the five-minute suggestion method. It easily cures troublesome habits such as thumb sucking, bed wetting, and selfishness.
During the first five minutes after a child has fallen asleep, the conscious mind goes to sleep, but the subconscious is still awake and functioning. Thus, it is very effective to make use of this time and work on the subconscious mind. Use it continuously for 7-21 days or until your child is changing for the better. Do not complain about your child in the daytime.
How to Use the Shichida 5 Minute Suggestion
Talk to your child. For example: “You’re sleeping now. You can hear my voice.”
Give your child love. For example: “Daddy and Mummy love you.”
Enforce emotional bonding. For example: “Mummy’s heart and your heart are always together.”
Visualise your child as you address the issue you wish to help your child correct.
Tape the above words on a looped tape, set the tape recorder besides the child’s pillow, and play it with the volume set softly for about thirty minutes after the child has gone to sleep for the night.
This method was used for problems such as thumb sucking, dislike of kindergarten or hitting others. Within a week, the thumb-sucking problem was cured; within three days, the child went happily to kindergarten, etc.
5 daily words of praise
Praise your child for whichever good things you notice in their behaviour, however small they might be. Makoto Shichida says-"If you change the way you view your child, your child will change as well”. The mothers from the Shichida Academy who did this noticed vast improvements in their children. Their children became more helpful and more confident. Not only did their behaviour in class improve tremendously, they also began to develop their abilities more rapidly.
It follows the theory of the “self-fulfilling prophecy” (the Pygmalion Effect)– where what you say comes true.
At Braintastic, we provide a comprehensive home-based program that is based on the concepts of right brain education. Contact us to know more.